Finding yourself (and) work in South Africa amidst the Covid-19 Lockdown

To say that the year 2020 has been unpredictable would be the understatement of the century (so far). It has challenged many of us in ways we could not even have imagined. My heart goes out to anyone who has been affected in any way by what has transpired over the last seven months.

On a more personal note, in December of 2019 I returned to my home country of South Africa after two years of working and living in Viet Nam. Two of arguably the best (and if not the best, definitely in the top five) years of my life. I was ready to come home; I had a renewed sense of purpose, yearned for more of a steadfast connection with my surroundings and also really wanted to reconnect with family.

For months leading up to this point, I was back and forth between coming back and deciding what alternative moves I could make that would make financial sense. But of course, as I soon realized (deep within) that no salary can outweigh those profound emotional, psychological and social needs that govern your being-- letting you know whether you're content or stimulated enough. It's not rocket science; our bodies are so complex that we will instinctively know whether we're happy or not. Even more importantly, we'll know this but whether we decide to do anything about it or not, is a whole 'nother kettle of fish-- and a discussion for a next time. (Sidebar: If you are in the position where you are the breadwinner or have to provide for your family, very often you do have to put aside your emotions so that you can fulfill your God-given duty and for this, I have the utmost respect. I think there is no greater role or meaning than to serve your family. In my case, I do not yet have a family and so I have the option of negotiating a position that better suits my current priorities).

Moving back to South Africa, even under the normal circumstances, was always going to be a difficult decision. Despite what people may think, even with a university degree and a few years of work experience to your name, it is still difficult to find employment. I mean, of course you could argue that if you were to lower your standards and settle for something you're overqualified for, you wouldn't be able to complain but I strongly believe that settling for something below what you have been given is just as bad, if not worse. So let me rephrase my statement; contrary to popular belief, it is difficult to find a fulfilling and reasonably-paying job even with a university degree and a few years of work experience on your belt. And, since I'm being open, a fellow SA expat in Viet Nam told me I would deeply regret my decision to come back to South Africa to "try again". "You'll see, you'll be back...[in Viet Nam]".

Fast forward to March of 2020, to the Gazetted Lockdown of South Africa. No movement for months, followed by an extremely slow moving reopening of parts of the economy. If you haven't read through my resume or know of my work experience, before teaching abroad, I worked in the hospitality industry. So a seemingly "last resort" of going back to working in restaurants was now off the table, indefinitely.

To clear up any confusion between what I had been doing between December 2019 and March 2020, here's what happened: I was staying with my parents in JHB to help with home renovations to put their house on the market while looking for job opportunities in the meantime. My parents wanted to relocate to the Western Cape and join both my sister and myself here. During late February, my mom and I drove down to the Cape as we had found a place to stay and I was still on the lookout for work and next thing we knew, the virus started to become more serious which was soon followed by curfews and then the eventual Lockdown.

The Lockdown (without trying to make this sound flaky or hippie) was a deeply moving experience. There was time to address deep-seated issues and problems, sincere and sometimes painful introspection, fighting and re-connection and by the end there really was a calm after the storm. During the small travel window thereafter, we went our separate ways, all with a better understanding of what we needed to do next in our own lives.

My job hunting continued daily; sometimes there was progress or feedback and other times there was nothing, not even a read receipt. The process of finding useful or relevant websites, creating accounts on each, uploading documents and, most importantly, imagining yourself in all these different, obscure roles was draining to say the least. But I was determined to find something. Money and worry were two concepts which tried to rob me of joy almost daily.

After some time had passed, I received a few phone calls from different recruitment companies which made me feel relieved and restored my faith in my recent efforts. An interview for a software training position was set up and so I started doing my research to nail the meeting.

The day of the interview arrived and I was probably about thirty minutes early, sending voice notes to loved ones from the parking lot, telling them about my good mood and general state of happiness. I went up to the office and met with the CEO. Everything changed.

My words came out wrong, the coffee the secretary had given me was so strong that it must've jolted my brain (and consequently, my ability to form concise sentences), his questions seemed easy to answer but difficult to execute-- especially in a way that would strengthen my case as a good contender for the position. Before it went too far south, he stopped me and asked me about my ultimate dream or vision for my future.

"My lifelong dream is to live on my own farm, make my own wine and have all my friends and family around to collaborate on exciting ideas and projects together. To be as self sustainable as possible."

And so, slowly the mood and pace of the interview started to change. I opened up a little more, I basically went on an entire tangent as to why I enjoyed working in the wine industry so much and how my 'learning to hustle' pushed me out of my comfort zone and then strangely off to Viet Nam and all the amazing things I learned about myself while there.

This leads me to the crux of the interview. What he was about to say next sincerely resonated with me. He told me that although he could see that I would fit in with the work culture of his company, it was not the right job, nor was it the right field for me to be in. This man told me to follow the vision I had seen for myself. Even if it meant to take a few steps back and returning to waiting on tables. To be immersed in the industry where I obviously had so much interest and investment in.

This probably seems so obvious, like I should have realized it from the start. But between the urgency of finding a decent or available job opportunity, doing fiscal calculations as to what is going to cover the bills and what seems to have scope, the long term dream seems to move to the back burner. But looking at it now, I understand that if we do not play some sort of active role in creating what we want or even preparing for it in small increments, how do we expect to magically get there?

Needless to say, I thanked this wise and honest thirty-something-year-old man when I left, and shed a few confused and happy tears in the elevator (just like how they do in the movies). I felt a strange nervous excitement come over me and like there was a voice saying "You see? I told you you weren't supposed to do this. That guy saw the real you. Why don't you?!". What a weird yet profound epiphany laugh-cry it was. If the sky had a face, that is probably how it would look if it was raining while the sun was shining.

So, after that, I did what any girl would or could do. I phoned my mom. I'm sure I don't need to paint a picture about the rest.

Right now, I'm on my way. I have done a lot more research and have made contact with old work colleagues who know the industry. I am also budgeting as to when I can start doing online courses and have come up with a potential pitch to advertise my free labor in exchange for practical, hands-on work experience on a working wine farm.

So, yes, I have a ways to go, but at least I am no longer under the illusion as to where my path should be leading me. I currently have one side-hustle; tutoring both primary and high school students, and as for the rest, I am praying to God for help financially and to put me in the right place at the right time.

For me, there is so much more to say, and of course I could dissect this story even further and all of the ways in which it moved me or caused me to think. But what I'll pose to the reader is;

Are you taking meaningful steps in the direction of your dream? Who are you going to blame at the end of your life if you haven't done what you wanted to do? Take a risk and invest in yourself and the pursuit of your goal. Do not let the gatekeepers of the (seemingly) unknown bar your way. Chances are, with hard work, failure and perseverance, you can improve on what is already there.